i have spent the last few days in complete duality of emotion. the preparation, the excitement of the coming holiday. we have gifts under the tree, lights twinkling, a fire burning daily to warm our home. we've made cookies and we've done projects and we've gone out at night to take in the beauty of all the season has to offer. and i'm doing my best to be completely in tune, drinking in each moment, doing my part to make memories that i hope lucy and hudson will carry with them into their own adulthoods. watching with adoration at the littlest in our family, this being his first christmas season. still, the sweet perfection of these days has been dulled, as i am quietly grieving for so many families who are suffering through a haunting pain that i cannot even imagine. 

i have steered clear of newspapers and television and even the internet. i have looked at my children in times of my own momentary frustration, and have stopped in my tracks, because i have my children, three of them, and not only are there here, they are, in this moment, healthy and thriving. and that's a gift for which i am unspeakably grateful. 
i hope your holiday preparations find you thankful, quietly merry, and reminded of how irreplaceable each day truly is. my heart goes out to those who are suffering. 

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